literature

Pure Magic.

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HayleighElizabeth's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

Do you remember when,
our love was so innocent?
When smiles lit our faces,
and our eyes sparkled with awe?
Holding hand,was everything,
and everything was new?
Lying there picking out,
our song?
The secrets we whispered,
into the night?
The cuddling when nights,
were to scary for me?
Our first date, or how,
I blushed every second?
What about our first kiss,
the pure magic you felt?
It all meant something, right?
Just something.

Does it need more?
Is it confusing?
Where could i improve?
© 2011 - 2024 HayleighElizabeth
Comments14
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tobeapoet's avatar
Yeah too many commas! The linebreak alone should slow down how the lines are read so you don't need commas to show pauses - that's the point of linebreaks!
I like how you keep asking questions, makes the poem really intimate :)
Also "were to scary for me?" needs changing to "too".
and "Holding hand,was everything," do you mean 'Holding hands was everything' ?

P.S. I don't like the word "cuddling" its not grown up enough for the feelings in the poem :P